I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
