So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
