I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
