he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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