The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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