I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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