it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
