I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize