found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
