I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
