I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
