I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
