I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Someone shattered a urinal.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
