I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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