I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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