no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I supernannyed him into submission
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
