i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Pants are for mortals
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