I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
