I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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