3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
