is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
