that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
