A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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