Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
