The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
