She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
