Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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