scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
