no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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