i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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