Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
