Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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