More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
