? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
