My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
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