I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
