he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
