i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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