She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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