Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
