I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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