In America we eat man semen.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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