So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
