Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
