So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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