I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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