that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
