I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
