Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize