I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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