I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
