Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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