i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
