I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
