Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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