Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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