we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
