literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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