oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish you could order shots online.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
