I want you more than these girls want KFC
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
