She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
