Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
