Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
