Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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