is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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