even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
