Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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