No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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