I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
