I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
