i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize