I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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