Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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